Everyone has values. Though, there’s different kinds of values that each of us have making us all unique. Today I’d like to talk a little about some of my values, where I got them from, and how they just might help me the rest of my life.
A couple of definitions from the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
value - relative worth, utility, or importance
family values - values especially of a traditional or conservative kind which are held to promote the sound functioning of the family and to strengthen the fabric of society
So, right off the bat we’ve got the definition of value being a relative comparison between different entities. I may consider what I have to be a little more valuable than what you think it’s worth and vice-versa.
That second definition that snuck in there…family values. It’s not something everyone really holds in a high regard, and that’s understandable as not everyone really has a family environment. I, however, am part of a large family with what I would consider good family values. I only hope my children and future grandchildren can say the same someday.
So where do we get our values from? For the most part, values are something we inherit from whoever raised us. Peers, family, and sometimes even famous people or fictional characters influence our values.
For me, family definitely had a major impact on my values. To list every value learned from every influence I’ve ever known would be a novel…but today I want to write about my grandpa. That’s right, I’m 30 years old and I still have a grandpa. In fact, all of my grandparents are still alive…even if for a little while longer.
To elaborate a little further, my grandpa recently had a pretty high-risk surgery that he may not have been able to live through. Surprisingly, everything went about as good as it could have and things were looking good. Today…today I got the call from my dad telling me that grandpa is simply not doing well and it’s only a matter of time. Hours, days, maybe a week at most. Not exactly a high-spirits conversation to be part of. The last hour for me has been a continuation of the long train of thoughts I had when I went to visit him before surgery last week. A very obvious theme began to umbrella everything that came up…values I’ve inherited from him…
Family is First
Now, we’re Christians…so God being first for us was never really an issue. That’s just how it was and we’ve never had any issues with it. But what about all the rest of our priorities?
If I have to decide between going out with the guys or staying home to help the wife tend sick children…I pick family.
If things are really busy at work, and the boss is pressuring some overtime to meet yet another unreasonable deadline nobody agreed to but upper management…and the wife wakes you up in the middle of the night needing to go the emergency room…I pick family.
If I’ve got an extra $20 that I found in an old coat pocket that I could spend on fast food without anyone knowing about it, but I know we’re so tight on the budget that we’re considering using our emergency fund JUST TO FREAKIN’ EAT this week…I pick family and hit the grocery store.
See the pattern here? Don’t forget parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. They all count too in my book, and I’ll go WAY out of my way to support any of them. That’s just how we all are. It’s very evident how important this is to everyone in our family…and you can’t help but figure they got some of that from grandpa.
Loyalty
I remember once when I was elementary age asking my grandpa about his wedding ring. I asked him if he’d ever taken it off. "Never." It was one of the most stern answers I’ve ever heard coming from that man. I asked a couple more variations of what-about-in-the-shower or what-about-when-you-work type questions, but I got the hint pretty quick when each time I got nothing but direct eye-contact and a "Never." from him.
He then explained to me how the marriage band was a sign of loyalty to your spouse. A life-partner for you to love and respect every single moment of your life. I never had a doubt in my mind what he meant by that even at the age of 8 or 9. To this day, I do my best to treat my wife with the same loyalty I saw in my grandpa.
Though I can’t honestly say "Never." as he did, (I’ve had it resized a couple times, and I let my wife wear it when she was pregnant and swelling for awhile while I had hers on my pinky) I can remember her asking me why I never take my ring off…ever. That’s close enough to "Never." for me…at least she noticed.
Now, if only people could really apply this kind of loyalty to more things in life than marriage. How about with their finances? Education? Whatever you value, loyalty is something I find lacking a lot in today’s society. It’s really hard to come by friends who really know what loyalty is, so if you have that…be sure to tuck that away amongst your own values.
Simplicity
This value is something that sort of encapsulates a lot of little things. My grandpa liked to keep things very simple. He was always direct and to the point. He was always able to keep focus on one thing at a time through completion so that at the end of the day we would always finish everything we’d planned.
Errands, projects, games…you name it. I learned persistence would carry you through any situation once you could clearly see your simple goal, or the grand picture. I can see how juggling lots of things can be super-confusing for people to the point where nothing gets entirely completed at all. Many times I find myself overwhelmed I end up taking a step back, simplify the situation by determining the single primary goal or focus. Then I’m able to really make measurable progress.
Grandpa was very content with a simple life. He would always chuckle at my talk of owning my own island with beach houses all around the world. Then he’d ask me how much of my allowance I saved every month. "Um, none of it…" LOL, I was so naive. What I’ve learned is that goals can change. The definition of ‘rich’ can change once you have a family. It hit me like a big 2×4 to the head one day, and the first thing I thought of was when grandpa told me there are more things in life than vacation homes.
Planning for the future is really quite simple. Spend less than you earn. I mean COME ON…how much more complicated can it get than that? Sometimes I think things get so clouded with all the different financial "solutions" out there that people forget to stop and see just how simple it is. Sure there’s all kinds of options once you’re able to do that, but if you can’t keep yourself in line with the one simple rule of spending less than you make…your vacation home is going to look a lot like the tent in your back yard.
Integrity
One last thing I’m going to write about is integrity. Now, once us kids were able to whoop grandpa at a game of chess or cards, he would resort to "stretching the truth" or "forgetting" a lot of rules and piece placements. (ROFL, there’s some really funny moments I’ll never forget.) However, aside from fun and games I simply never met someone who meant what they said more than grandpa.
I simply cannot remember a time when my grandparents weren’t completely honest with me even at a very young age. If they made a promise to go down to the ice cream shop for a treat, they never forgot. If they promised me a punishment if I were caught breaking rules, by golly I was punished.
This integrity so firmly engrained in my way of life has not only helped me succeed to get where I’m at, but it’s going to help me set the example for my children as well. As far as my finances are concerned, I simply need to be truthful to myself. Integrity doesn’t have to be how you are to others, it’s also a value that you must possess for yourself as well.
If you can’t be honest with yourself about your finances, you’re just going to reap what you sow. Not only will you just end up digging yourself a deeper hole over time, but you could very well drag others down in there with you. Now I simply have no excuse anymore. I can’t "forget" the piece placement in this big financial "game". Time to get down to business and focus on the win.
So there you have it. My core values all in one place. Family, Loyalty, Simplicity, and Integrity. Thank you grandpa. Thank you.
[Update] Since this post was written, but before it was actually published, my grandpa died. We attended a very nice funeral and got to spend some wonderful time with family and friends. If your grandparents or parents are still around, be sure to tell them how much they mean to you while you have the chance. I was lucky enough to do that, but it would have been incredibly hard if I’d not had the chance…
I invite you to share your core values or any relationships between your finances and your values. How do your values help you stay ahead? How will they help you catch up if you’re way behind? I’d love to hear about it.
Debtbeater